I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
