We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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