Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
