Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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