your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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