Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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