Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
