Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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