I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
