My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
