I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
