Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
