Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Of course I have a pirate flag
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
