I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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