just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
