How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
honey bunches of taint.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
