He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
