yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
