Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
