Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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