A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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