i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
