Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
