I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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