I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
