The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
