I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
