She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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