a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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