At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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