How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
