she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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