Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
