Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
