I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
