this beer tastes like vomit already
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
two words...techno handjob
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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