you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
