OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
