After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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