theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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