we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You can't special order awesome
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
