I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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