oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i think my cat just said my name.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
