i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
