guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
