I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
