so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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