I hate your face
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
