I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
