I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
