How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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