the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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