He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
