I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
